I’ve been looking at my life through a pinhole, hitting speed bump after speed bump when trying to think of something to write. Writers block induced by feeling not so very interesting, intelligent, or creative right now with the added pressure of making sure an Instagram worthy image can accompany my text. Sitting here with cold coffee in hand for over an hour, I’ve been half heartedly starting and stopping silly lists of my current “favorites” or trying to eek out some encouraging post. All the while, I’m glancing at the book beside me—Bill Bryson’s “The Road to Little Dribbling”—and wishing I could just curl up with a cup of tea and read about England. Because ya’ll—I’ve been seriously missing England for the past couple of weeks. It’s not just a wish to travel and take a break from the every day, but a real missing of the actual place and the life I lived there. I spent the first half of my engagement to Chris in the UK while studying at Oxford University. Living here for several months solidified the love that had been growing since I was ten years old, when my family moved to Kenya. A former British colony, Kenya is a special mix of African and English. My family came to love certain British brands and traditions, eating Jafa Cakes with our tea and buying mini poppers at Christmas. We learned that Boxing Day was actually about “unboxing” Christmas gifts not about the sport and that the metric system really does make more sense. Something clicked this morning while I battled writer’s block: that I’ve been too focused on my life now. I’ve shut off a big part of my life—moving overseas as a child and thus having the opportunity to travel around the world (funny how travel is so much easier once you’ve crossed that massive ocean!). I’ve struggled with this shutting off instinct ever since moving back to America as a young teen: it seemed easier to just try to blend in. I got tired of being met with blank stares and uncertain questions. People just didn’t get me. So I stopped talking about or bringing it up. I started realizing how bad this was when my closest friends at college would say stuff like, “I totally forgot you lived in Kenya!” or “Wow, I didn’t realize you had been to so many counties!” It’s not their fault that they forgot. I just never talked about it out of some perverted sense that doing so seemed “pretentious” or made me look too privileged. Here’s the truth: my family is really privileged! We lived most of our life together in a free country; we were surrounded by generous, faithful family and friends; my mom made us the most wonderful home and devoted her life to her kids; my dad is a very hard working, principled family medicine-turned-ER doctor. My mom and dad were able to provide beyond just basic needs: they gave us so many experiences. And hands down, one of the best experiences they ever gave us kids was the chance to see and know the world. I am me because they chose not to stay in one town and buy a home and live “comfortably” or “traditionally.” They took some risks and did some conventionally not-so-wise things. In the middle of my dad’s career, they became missionaries. When moving back to the States, they took their savings and used it to RV around Europe for a month, one of the highlights of my life. When I was having a hard time with Kate’s adoption, they decided that I should travel with them to China to pick her up. By the time I was 21, I had been to 21 counties. Few of these were from “vacation;” most were from doing life with my family. I’ve decided to open up this box again, to start peeking back at this life-time of memories so far and sharing what I can. Being a third culture kid and traveling the world has made me who I am. It’s time to start acting like it. So, today I’m sharing some of the things that I miss about England. In the next weeks and months, I’ll be writing about some of the funny, crazy, and once-in-a-life time experiences I’ve had as a Southern-born, African-middle schooled, mid-Atlantic high schooled, New York City colleged, back to the South 20 something. Oh England, I miss:
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Despite my silence on the blog, this summer has been anything but quiet. Perusing my planner, I look back over the weeks since we moved and see that we have traveled or had guests more weekends than not. That’s a good thing! And it has meant that we have been kept busy and occupied during a time of transition. But it also means that we haven’t had the chance to really dig in here yet. Last Saturday was our first real day at home in who knows how long. It was such a treat. We slept in and then took an hour to make Norwegian pancakes (think crepes), and watched cartoons while stuffing our faces. We lounged around watching more cartoons. When the itch to do something struck, I finally deep cleaned the house while Chris addressed those sneaky little corners that still had junk in them from the move. Time—we had time! Time allowed us to talk through our budget and post-moving expenses and get on the same page with our church search. Real conversation and connection were able to happen when we let the dust settle a little and stopped doing things. In fact, I intentionally didn’t set any “goals” for the day. I didn’t sit down the night before with my Post Its and write that I wanted to 1) talk about the budget 2) clean the house 3) exercise. Those things just happened anyway because they were all good things that we not only needed to do but wanted to when we didn’t feel “forced” to by the to-do list. My goal-setting, accomplisher self needed a chill pill. And when I took it, we had the most relaxing, happy Saturday—not because we didn’t do anything and lazed around but because my attitude toward accomplishing things shifted (at least for this one day…face palming myself this weekend because it’s been much more of a struggle!). So, to continue the good vibes, we spontaneously decided yesterday morning to run to a craft store and buy canvases and paint supplies. We were going to have an Art Day at home, complete with sweet tea and oatmeal coconut cookies (which we also spontaneously decided to make after watching our ALL TIME favorite show Friday night, The Great British Bake Off. Seriously, do yourself a favor and go watch it). Michael's Crafts is having a Labor Day sale on a lot of their painting supplies so we got two value packs of canvases (16 total!), 12 large tubes of acrylic paint, and various brushes for just over $50. It was a great buy, and we have tons of canvas left over, so I would highly encourage this as a date that keeps on giving. Now, let me be perfectly clear: neither of us are artists by any stretch of the imagination. Appreciate, study, and enjoy, all yes, but execute—not so much. As Chris likes to say, we each have “delusions of grandeur” when it comes to painting. Like, I think I may just be the next Rothko or Van Gough. But then I look at my canvas and realize I don’t even know how to properly blend one color into the next. This became abundantly apparent in my first piece, which I have entitled “Choppy Blue.” To be sure, I like the choppy look. But also be sure that it is there because Chris had not yet looked up a YouTube video on “How to Paint With Acrylics,” in which a kindly professor showed us that we ought to brush the canvas with water before we applied the paint. Such an “ah-ha!” moment. “Yellow Feather Sunset” was my second piece. I have such mixed feelings here. I was concentrating on blending yellow into orange, which I think I did quite well. Then some insane idea popped into my head and told me to swish gold stripes down the middle, something I regretted almost immediately. All my grand delusions of hidden genius went right out the door, and I became very despondent. I decided to mope on the bed checking Instagram and then cleaned my brushes and called it a day. Well, the paint dried and then looked decidedly less gross. So I decided I didn’t completely hate it, and that together with Choppy Blue and Chris’s “White Square” it may just look all right on the wall. At the end of the day, here’s what we turned up with. Not so bad, right? Thankful for okay art, good music and great tea while making it, and the left overs: blue splatters on our dinning room wall which remind me of a fun afternoon. |
Authorwife to a med student and mama to three under three, seeking the joyful and learning to live by faith. Find me on Instagram and Pinterest or shoot me an email. I'd love to hear from you!
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