It's not going to be the red season for much longer—that's the first thing making me blue. We went into the flagship Yankee Candle store here in Williamsburg yesterday, and as I was sticking my nose into every single Christmas scent I started tearing up because "everything is almost over." One in particular ("Frosted Magic Forest," or something like that) smelled exactly like the boxes my mom used to keep Christmas decorations in. Pulling those boxes out of the attic, stacking them on the dining room table, cracking open their lids and letting the mothball and candle smell trickle out—these are some of my favorite memories. I always have a huge letdown after Christmas. It's the curse of letting yourself get very involved, the whole "love hurts" phenomenon. Christmas for me is the time to be a kid again; I refuse to check email, hardly look at my phone, and try as hard as I can to recapture the imagination I once had, when the nativity set came to life and the cranberry sprigs in the Christmas tree were my North Pole Fairy wands. The imagination part gets a little harder every year. Now the few days leading up to Christmas morning look like laying around the fire sipping coffee, playing far too many strategy games, and talking, talking, talking. It's such a blessed time for our family, especially now that Ben and I both live away. It's the once or twice a year when we are all together and we can re-ground in a more meaningful way than the catch up on the phone. Leaving this is hard. This year in particular. Ben and my mom left yesterday for a month-long mission trip to east Africa. Ben is our happy guy and, well, it's just weird to not have mom in the house. I'm mainly feeling sorry for myself (we only got four days together!), because I really am excited for them and so proud of what they are doing. Ben has done an incredible job as the leader of the team, coordinating a group of peers from his college and planning a sports camp and VBS in partnership with a local church. My superstar mom is going along as the leader emeritus, providing adult wisdom. They both have such a heart of service for other people, never batting an eye at any inconvenience, big or small. It's certainly blue to not have them here during my last few days of vacation, but it is a joy and privilege to have a family who constantly encourages you to love others better. Their absence has made the house empty this morning. It's very, very grey (as it has been for the past two weeks, another major cause of the blues), soggy, and quiet. Growing up with a large family makes me wary of the quiet. Happiness means a constant rumble. I haven’t written since Thanksgiving, and barely read, the two markers, I'm coming to find out, by which I judge my failure or success in the Well Rounded Department. I have the excuse that work between Thanksgiving and Christmas was extremely busy and any free time was filled with holiday prep, but I'm tired of making excuses. There are so many things I want to change this coming year. Do you know that I have basically failed to exercise my entire college career? I'm serious. My excuse here is that living in New York necessitates an active lifestyle, which is certainly true to an extent. I do end up walking at least a mile or more a day, but for five years now that little, pathetic excuse has kept me from kicking my butt into gear. My one major New Year's resolution is to make exercising a routine in my life in 2016. Other goals include: 1. Actually writing. Keeping this blog going. 2. Actually reading. 3. Being content where we are. Chris and I are SO ready to begin the med school phase of our lives. Many of you know the story, but the short version is that Chris' senior year of college saw a heart and future career change from law school to med school. By the time Chris starts med school (Lord willing) in the summer of 2017, it will have been a three-year endeavor just to prepare to get in. He has been plugging away at all the prerequisite classes that he never took in college, fitting in clinical hours, initiating and working on research projects, and being an all around star. God has taught us so much about trusting his timing, even when it seems to be taking too long. My prayer is that Chris and I finish out our time in New York well, that our choices will enable Chris to flourish as he prepares to take the MCAT in May, and that as we begin to apply to schools this summer, we will hopefully trust in the Lord's plan, knowing he has the perfect place picked for our family. This was supposed to be a post about my Christmas blues. I think I misidentified the weight on my heart when I first sat down to write. I'm not sad so much as expectant and a little nervous. I've enjoyed such a wonderful Christmas season that letting it go and facing the real world again feels daunting. The next few months will be a lot of hard work—my job is stressful, Chris works full time and basically takes classes full time (it's a miracle), and now we are adding hard-core MCAT study into the mix. We are longing for the warm weather of spring and the start of a new adventure. I pray for faithfulness in the mundane. Faithfulness empowered by the Holy Sprit and allotted to me by the moment, not even by the hour or day. Many days it feels like I can only fathom being faithful in the very moment I am in, not even able to consider being gracious on the commute home or cooking dinner with a smile. I pray for joy to season moments. I pray for a heart of love for others that overpowers my love of self. I want to look up rather than in. This year was a year of growth. Chris and I came into our own as a family. We got fired up about debt-free living and implemented a sound financial plan that is helping us save and spend wisely; we started figuring how to run a home and started our first full time jobs post-college; we celebrated our first anniversary and bought a new car. The year went fast. It was hard. It was good. On this grey end-of-year day, I speak one of my favorite lines from a great Puritan prayer in The Valley of Vision, “Give me summer weather in my heart.”
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Authorwife to a med student and mama to three under three, seeking the joyful and learning to live by faith. Find me on Instagram and Pinterest or shoot me an email. I'd love to hear from you!
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